Two B’s in a pod.

What’s the saying? Little girls are made of sugar & spice & everything nice? Not this lil’ ragin’ cajun firecracker! ? She’s made of dynamite, inquisition & tenacity. Everything you could ever want in a little girl. ? She’s an old soul without the wisdom yet & has a love for animals that rivals my own. A lot of people online ask me why I don’t post her a lot or how we think she would feel hearing & seeing some of the things we do. So this blog will hopefully shed some light on the subject for all & ease your worried widdle minds. ?

I’ll never forget the first time I saw Miss Bailee. J & I had been FaceTiming a lot & I think he was on tour, but Bailee was in Nashville at home w. her mama. His iCloud & her iPad had synced somehow, so she was intercepting all of his FaceTime calls. I facetimed & all I saw was the cutest lil’ freckled face with big blue eyes just looking back at me. She didn’t say hi, she just looked at me & then got the biggest smile on her face… still not saying anything. I panicked. It was his kid for God sake & I wasn’t trying to get caught up in that- uh uhhhhhh no thanks. All I could stutter was,”Hi baby! Is your daddy there?” She nodded no & we said goodbye. I text J immediately & was like “OMGGGGAHHHH I’m so sorry.” & in true J fashion he just laughed & said,”That’s so awesome.”

Fast forward to when I first met her.. We were picking her up from her grandparents .. meeting them at Burger King to do the exchange .. & she got out of their car & said “Hi” & then J & the g-parents started talking so I looked at her & said,”You hungry?” & she was like,”YES!” So we both ran off & left the adults to talk. After getting her food, we sat across from each other. Silence. She was checking me out..looking at my hair, my nails, my tattoos. Just trying to feel me out. After a long pause, She took a bite of a chicken finger & with one eye cocked said, “Soooo, what’s up with you & my dad?” I couldn’t help but laugh. I slyly asked,”What do you mean?” & she rolled her eyes & said,”It’s obvious you & my dad are together.” with a shit eating grin. I was caught & didn’t want to lie to her, it was from that moment on even tho she was only 7 I made the decision to always be open & honest with her. Not that I had planned on not being, but some kids just aren’t mature enough mentally to even be aware.. & lemme tell you this child is aware. ? We sat & talked for about 20 mins- well actually it was more like she was asking 48 questions & I was answering them. I knew right then she had my heart, that lil’ turd.

I’ve dated men with kids before, but the mother’s were always present. Surprisingly I got along with all the baby mama’s too. Just like I do with Jelly’s. But we have actual full custody of Bailee while her mom is trying to get her life together enough to be fully present. So this was def something new for me AND Jelly. Him & I are ramblers.. we like to come & go as we please, not be tied down to anyone & run wild like hyenas. Not the case when the judge awarded us custody of Miss B. We both had to have real come to Jesus moments within ourselves & realize this shit is not a game. We are responsible for this little human indefinitely.

It’s been a really cool journey to watch her grow & become this little lady. When she first moved in with us it was a battle teaching her manors. ? I’d say,”Bailee that’s not lady like.” & she’d whip back right at me & say,”I ain’t no lady!” Smh. ??‍♀️ But she has just blossomed into this gorgeous, lil’ songbird who barrel races with her horse Trotter. It’s so fucking dope. We did that. ? She’s helped me calm down a lot & watching the father/daughter relationship with her & J just melts me into mush. He’s such a good daddy to her & truly is his best friend. They’ve definitely had a journey to get to where they are now. I wasn’t around for the whole journey but what I know of it & what I see now is nothing short of beautiful.

I had a rough childhood growing up. I didn’t meet my real mom until I was in my 30’s. My dad married my stepmom when I was 5 & although she was great at teaching me how to be a lady, how to cook & clean, do my hair & all the things that stick with me now as a woman, she also had a very fucked up side to her. Fucking Scorpio. ??‍♀️ She was the reason I left home at 14 and never looked back. A lot of physical & verbal abuse. She made me call her mom, pretty much forced me to love her & if I ever had any opinion other than hers- I got my ass kicked. She down talked my real mom constantly & she is the reason I never got to see her. I had never even saw a picture of my real mother until I was 23. They had come to visit me in Vegas & before they boarded their plane, behind my step mom’s back my dad handed me a stack of pictures of me, him & my mother. I sat in my car at the airport & cried looking at the pictures. It was so sad my dad had to hide that but she also used to play my dad & I against each other & was very jealous of our relationship.

So with that being said, the shit I endured with my step- mom, I vowed to never go thru with my own child or someone else’s. J will tell you it’s been a long road to even accepting Bailee calling me Mom or Mamabear. He’s like,”Most bitches will try to lock the kid down just to get the man & you don’t- it’s complete opposite.” ? I feel like I’m Bunnie & she has a mom. I never want to step on toes or be in the position for her to ever feel like I’m forcing my love on her. She’s my rider don’t get me wrong! We kick it & we have a cool thing.. but it’s happened all organically. At times I feel I could be more nurturing to her but just don’t want to ever overstep my boundaries. J gets mad when I say that but I just want to always be the constant calm in her life so when she looks back she’s like yep Bunnie was always right there w my dad supporting everything I do & pushing me to be a great woman, not forcing me.

You’re always naked on the internet & talk sexually suggestive, what is Bailee going to say when she sees all this? I can’t eyeroll hard enough when women message me asking me this pretty much at least once a day. ? First of all, since when is the female body so shamed? We were fuckin’ born naked! & the pics I take are tasteful- you will never see my butthole meat twerkin’ for a Birkin on the internet. There are way more sexually suggestive females than I thats for sure. Secondly, she LIVES with us, she sees the way I’ve always dressed. We have an inside joke with each other that when there is a school event or something with her friends I’ll always ask,”What do you want me to wear?” & sometimes she’ll be like “Dress like a mom” & Other times she’s like “Be Bunnie!”. We have a very open policiy in our house & let each other be who we are. Not force her but guide her. She knos right from wrong. She may only be about to turn 10 but she’s a smart little shit.

My parents turned serious bible thumpers when I was 12. We went from my dad being a rocker, drinking, smoking weed, falling asleep to his band rehearsing. To not being able to listen to secular music, having to wear skirts to my ankles, Church 3 times a week & no tv allowed. I went to a Christian private school & that didn’t last long- because I got kicked out for fighting. I was never allowed to have an opinion & was told constantly “Children should be seen not heard.” Was not allowed to wear make up & was not allowed to do my hair anymore. See where I’m going with this? You can lock a kid down & shive your beliefs down their throat & try to make them live your lifestyle, but as soon as they get the chance to break- they’re going to go apeshit crazy. Which is exactly what I did as soon as I left home at 14. I thank God for the morality my parents instilled in me because even when I have sold my soul I still was aware enough to kno what I was doing. We never ever ever want Bailee to feel like that. So we are open with her in all things & let her express herself freely. As far as the sexual shit- she never ever hears us talk like that & we do keep her sheltered from that. But wearing half shirts, taking sexy selfies or making yourself feel pretty? I’d rather her be the confident superstar she is & radiate that to everyone she touches with her infectious spirit in her life.

Posting her. I have an amazing, awesome, super rad female following! I actually pride myself on that because a lot of women on the internet don’t. It’s usually male based. But I’ve been so lucky to be blessed with beautiful souls of women who for some reason believe in me, embrace me & support me fully. Forever grateful & humbled. But, like all public platforms I do have some pretty creepy situations that have happened & a few men who have stalked me. Sending dozens of roses to where I worked for 6 mths straight with eery messages never revealing who they were. I’ve been followed numerous times. I’ve had people try to find my address online & so much more. I also went thru some things as a child.. being molested by a family member, having complete strangers walk up on me when I was playing outside & show me their penis while jacking off, I was almost kidnapped twice as a child & raped by a boy I thought was my friend. This is a whole different blog in itself if I ever do decide to really go into detail about it. But all that has happened to me has caused me to be fiercely protective over B. I don’t feel like children under 14 should even be on the internet honestly & we watch her social media’s severely close. With her dad being who he is & with me how I am on the internet I feel glimpses of us are cool but not necessary all the time. When I post her I feel like it makes it more special & meaningful. She is our baby unicorno & we intend to keep her that way as long as we can!

Never in a million years did I think my wild, untamable ass would be in Nashville, with a husband let alone a 9 year old, part of a horse mom group chat, wearing prescription glasses & finally really content in life. I always wanted a more flashy, girl power driven, future. No man or kids. Vegas’d The fuck out. But, the man upstairs had a different plan. God gave me the exact opposite & couldn’t happier. If I do anything right in this life I hope to continue to be one half of the team that helps raise this little girl to be everything she could dream of & more. To be the real MVP & become a plastic surgeon so I can get all my shit for free. I mean uh wait- sorry was thinking out loud. ? lol Sincerely tho, you guys aren’t ready for this lil’ Gemini. She has so much zest in her spirit & life to live. Im going to be right there helping her live it to the fullest. Let’s give ‘em hell kid. ?