Ever after happily.
Walt Disney can go fuck himself for filling every little girl’s head with butterfly promises & candy coated storybook endings.
What dear ol’ Walter didn’t teach us lil’ girls dolled up in our princess dresses is that our Prince Charming’s were real dipshits who would take us for granted, cheat on us & pretty much break every promise they ever made w a smile & kiss. Luckily I’ve never believed in fairytales.
Now I kno what you’re thinking- Gah Lee bitch, bitter much? But stick w me. This is my blog & Ill whine if I want to.
I feel like no one especially people in the lime light never really want to talk about their marital problems. I can’t pretend my relationship is “goals” because it’s not. I don’t wish the pain I’ve felt & he’s felt on any couple.
There is no worse feeling in the world than being the last to kno. That’s one of my cardinal rules in a relationship. If you do something tell me first before anyone can come to me & tell me about you period.
My husband didn’t seem to think he needed to do that.
When I found out about the affair it hurt me deeply. I expected better from him. I felt I deserved more than this for sure.
Here I am riding for a dude who literally lied to my face for months. Having me rethink our entire relationship.. like is this even real?
You can give a man everything – 3somes, blowjobs & sex morning & night, sex on demand, raise his kid, clean his palace, make his home, be his bff & like a shaggy ass dog he’s gonna Still roam. My dad has this problem. Always multiple women at all times.. but that’s also why he’s in 70’s now, unmarried & engaged to someone just to not die alone. They say you marry your father. Smh.
Although the bs my husband has done to me is a real major fuck up… I can’t place all blame on him.
I’m a hard egg to crack & when I don’t feel like someone is 50 50 w me (in life love & passion) I have a temper. My mouth can be venomous & vicious. We would argue, I would say things that would cut super deep & always threw around the divorce word in every argument. I guess you could say it is just a defense mechanism. Our first couple of years have been extremely rough. I’m very mean & Jelly is used to having women at his beck & call who can smooth his feathers down when I ruffle them up. I came into this relationship with a lot of baggage from my last one which was super abusive. And for the first year of our marriage Jelly really tried to heal a heart he didn’t break. A man can only take so much before he looks elsewhere & same goes for women too.
Do I feel like me being a mouthy bitch warrants an affair for 9 months? Absolutely not. But what I’m saying is it takes two to tango- well 3 in this situation. If my husband was truly happy w me as a woman & wife he would have never stepped outside our marriage.
I knew what I signed up for when I got w Jelly. He’s never been shy about voicing his opinions on monogamy and I too don’t believe in it. Hence why I’m totally into bringing women home w us. He’s also a musician who gets pussy thrown at him left & right. So when I married him I knew I’d have to forgive him one day. Name one musician who DOESN’T cheat. I’ll wait…
Now forgiving is not forgetting ladies. Don’t think I’m just some major doormat cause that’s the complete opposite. But when I look at my husband I see a dude who’s like a mangy pup I found on the street, brought him in cleaned up, gave him a home & he got a lil too excited one day & bit me. You don’t kick the dog out & turn him back on the streets. You show him love & how to be better in hopes that one day that love will be reciprocated. Dogs are going to roam Period.
And let’s be real here – every man cheats whether it’s emotional, physical, or both. And if they haven’t they’ve thought about it.
I’m not into the idea of restarting all over again w someone new just to go thru this shit again. J & I have been building a life the past two years & am not willing to give up on that just yet especially over another female.
Also let’s consider the line of work I’ve been in pretty much my whole adult life. I’m not going to say it’s my karma- but if the shoe fits, I’ll lace that bitch up & wear it. I too have had married men cheat with me. I have been the heartache for some other woman knowingly & sometimes unknowingly. & I might have been a side bitch or two when I was WAY younger- LOL. So I get it.
Speaking of side bitch… I’m really not bothered now that I kno who it is. I KNEW ALL ALONG, just couldn’t prove it. She’s young af, so it’s like how can I even be mad or beef with her? I’ll never beef with a female over any dude EVER. 2ndly she did tell me the truth even tho it was almost a year later -lol. But most importantly she apologized profusely & seems genuinely remorseful. Which goes a long way with me. Show me you are genuinely sorry & it’s easier for me to forgive you. She doesn’t know any better. She hasn’t experienced life enough to even begin to understand that she was being led on.
I’ve also had a lot of women message me and ask if it’s affected my self esteem any or made me insecure.. & honestly NO. She’s not a threat to me, not someone I’d look at & aspire to be. If anything it’s the other way around. In short- she isn’t fancy enough for me to be worried. Don’t get me wrong- Jelly has fucked some pretty bitches.. & she’s super cute. I’m just a certain caliber of woman & trust me when I say- one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. One man’s pain is another man’s pleasure. Not throwing ANY shade, just being real. If anything it’s made me so much stronger & boosted my confidence. So much stronger that if this shit happens again, walking away won’t be an issue. I also am the type of person who makes situations have positive outcomes, I don’t dwell on the negative. Once all the truth came out, I was already over it. Which by the way, once our blogs drop you will see that we’ve had almost tow months to get over all of this. You guys are just now finding out about it.
Which brings me to the biggest lesson in all of this I’ve had to learn in all this real forgiveness. I forgive him & I forgive her.
I forgive his friends who knew about it & helped him hide it. Does that mean I forget? No.
I kno you guys might think I’m crazy but the forgiveness isn’t for them it’s for me. My peace in heart & mind. If you hold on to pain it will eat you alive & im all about moving forward.
I’ve built my brand on helping women get through tough times & this is just one more of my lessons in life I hope that will help even just one of you. Remember the weak can never forgive– And I’m anything but that. I look forward to overcoming this with my husband & it making us the best versions of ourselves we can be. I’m not going to lie- until this happened to me I would have been the first person to tell my girlfriends to leave the dude, especially because it went on for so long. But he’s embedded in my soul & the thought of leaving him makes my spirit feel restless- if that makes sense? I feel like we haven’t fulfilled our purpose as a couple as of yet. Maybe I’m delusional.. but I’m def willing to find out.
Until we have seen someone’s darkness we don’t truly know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness we don’t truly kno what love is. Xo